Some people learn about service by serving others. People like me learn about service by being served. I’d rather be on the other end, but I’ve learned to accept help with gratitude.

Today newlyweds Kevin and Kaysha came and served us all day. Kaysha is Chad’s youngest sister. Kaysha helped me turn a case of pluots into jam and syrup while Kevin spent the day working on the railing of our deck with Chad.

Poor Chad has spent the summer spending a few hours here and there trying to get the deck done. The project was beginning to feel like it would never get done. The enthusiasm that Kevin brought was truly a blessing from God. That deck has been weighing on both of us.

Both of them also did dishes, swept, and helped make eclairs. It was truly an incredible blessing to us. After they left I remembered a heart felt prayer I had lifted several times that week- “Please, Father, please send someone to help me with the cleaning. I’ve lost my cleaning lady and I don’t have any money this month to pay for it anyway. I can’t stand how dirty things are anymore. Please send someone who can help me and who actually wants to help me.”

The mental boost of having them here was almost as appreciated as the actual service that was so needed. I also have a fresh stock of tangy pluot jam, low in sugar and so delicious and we were able to get the railing down and back up without worrying about children falling off and breaking something.

Thank you Father for answering my prayers. Thank you Kaysha and Kevin for taking time out of your busy homework filled lives to help us out. I felt bad we couldn’t pay for your sandwiches- someday when we have some money again, we’ll make it up to you.

This is my sweet baby. He gets really upset when I call him that because he’s five now. Apparently he’s old enough to be on his fourth girlfriend but young enough he still needs his mommy to wipe his bum. (Believe me, we’ve been working on that one!!!)

It is interesting to watch my youngest straddle the gulf between wanting everyone to take care of him and also wanting to be a teenager like Grant. I think this is pretty common for youngest.

It is nice to have him in kindergarten so I can rest in the mornings in the quiet. However, the older he gets the less I feel little arms around my neck. I no longer feel sweet little bodies sleeping in my arms.

This brings me to the greatest thing about larger families. Eric is 17. It won’t be many years before I’ll get to be a grandma and have those little arms hugging me. I’d say I can’t wait, but I’d rather not my son hurry up that process…

The countdown has started to my 40th. The birthday I’ve spent my life looking forward to. Knowing I’d celebrate. Until I found out I had MD. Until I realized I’d be too weak to celebrate like I planned. Until I was told permanent and progressive damage would begin in my 50’s which seems so soon. Until I was told I’d never be without my wheelchair for long. The years I thought I’d have to do all the things I put off to raise children wouldn’t be like I planned. God has a way of changing our plans. Life will be different but He will make it amazing. However this birthday will feel more like grieving than celebrating. Instead of a party I will need to quietly deal with it with the one person who has been there through it all-Chad.

A neighbor down the street was nice enough to bring this little salamander up for my kids to play with. I didn’t even know we had salamanders here. (This is a tiger salamander) The kids had a great time watching him crawl around and holding him.

Jaden wanted to keep him as a pet so I told the kids to put him in a plastic container- thinking a plastic bin like we put their toys in- for the time being. Well, they grabbed some tupperware instead. Only problem with that was that it was only about three inches tall!

I think you can guess what happened next. The creepy part is not knowing where this critter is in my house. I hope he somehow found his way outside. Please, please let him be outside! We’ve seen no trace of him all day.

Tomorrow I’ll be waiting for a scream as someone goes to take a shower or wash their hands…. stay tuned.

When I walked in the house the clouds were still yellow and pink but by the time I got outside (a sometimes slow and laborious process) there was only a hint of pink and purple left.

I wanted to get a shot of the clouds. I had been thinking a lot about clouds and life because I’ve been reading Fly a Little Higher by Laura Sobiech. It is the story of her son Zach who had cancer for three years and wrote the song “Clouds” as a way to say goodbye to his friends and family before he died May 20, 2013. Zach and his family were willing to follow the path God set for them even when the path didn’t make sense or seemed to intrude on family life. They did it because they wanted to lift others.

When the craze over this song was happening I was completely unaware. Not unusual for me. My little world is pretty small and trends don’t reach me for years if ever. However, the message of the song and the book touched me deeply. As they said many times, it is not about Zach dying. It is about how he lived and showed us how to live.

I’ve learned a little of this. I’ve learned to savor the small moments. It is the times you stop to live for a moment instead of always reaching for the next that make your memories. Riding in the Corvette, holding my husbands hand, looking down at Jaden’s face for the first time when I picked him up in Georgia to bring him home to be a part of our family.

For a long time I have felt pushed to share a message through my writing. It felt too bold to think that what I have to say would be good enough, worth enough, to print and for people to pay for. That is what kept blocking me. But Zach didn’t have enough time to be afraid or worry about all those things. How do I know I have the time to put it off and let fear and difficulty rule me?

It is time to write the things God wants me to write. I don’t want to, they are hard, I don’t know how to do it. But somewhere down the road someone needs to read what I have to write. It is my journey from the darkest abyss of abuse without God into the light of a new life through the atonement of Christ.

Thank you Zach and the whole Sobeich family (including friends) for inspiring me to step out of my comfort zone and give something to the world simply because God has asked me to.